Less than 5 weeks to go and I'm READY.

OMG!! Can you believe it? We literally have less than 5 weeks until our life is changed forever!! I am so excited and super anxious about what's to come. I've spent 9 months preparing and literally have been nesting for about 3 months trying to get the house ready.. funny thing is the baby doesn't care really if the baseboards are painted white or not, or if we have blinds in the dining room.. but I do!

Anyways, I had a crazy emotional breakdown last night.. freaking out about all of my uncomfortableness. If our walls weren't so thin I would've probably found myself jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs having a tantrum. Instead I just grunted and then cried for a while. No one tells you about the details of pregnancy.. I really do believe it's because they want you to be part of their "mom" club and if they told you everything that happened then you would consider not getting pregnant. You want to know what I'm talking about? It's going to sound like I'm complaining, well, because I am a bit.. so if you don't want to hear it, don't read on.

Stiff, super sore and swollen fingers.. not sure why, just because. Swollen feet. Pains in my fascia (tissue right below your skin) that feel like my skin is tearing.. in my heels and my knees. Can't even straighten out my leg fully without twinging in pain. BIG, constant bloated feeling... hungry but can only eat 1/4 of a meal because if I eat more than that, I feel so sick I have to lay down. Major temperature changes which make me feel nauseous. Urge to get things done, but can't stay on my feet for longer than 30 minutes without them burning in pain. Feeling of helplessness because I can't do ANYTHING, like I want to change the frickin air filter, but that entails getting on a stool and I've been told more than once by my husband and my mom that I am not allowed to climb on stools.. so I have to sit and wait for my husband to get home and then feel like a nag when I have to say, "Chris, can you change the air filter, can you do this, can you lift that?"
Exercise.. want to take a walk, but have to pee after 5 minutes of walking. Oh, and I am on strict orders that I can't go on a walk unless I have my phone with me so that's annoying just because it's annoying. Cramps - they come and go, but when they are here, they are soo annoying. And, it depends on what position I'm in, so sometimes I will be sitting perfectly calm and stand up with an excruciating pain in my groin as if it's stuck in that position.
The list really goes on and on. My pregnancy could have been worse for sure. Everyone's pregnancy is different and the aches and pains and changes affect everyone differently. But this has been my reality. I know I'm complaining, well, because that is what this post is about, so before everyone tells me to be thankful that I'm pregnant and that I have a little baby boy coming in 5 weeks.. there is no need! I'm ecstatic that we'll get to meet Baby Imwalle in just a few weeks.. just letting you all know it's not peaches and cream:) I have however heard more than once that it's all worth it in the end though... and I'm sure those Mom's are totally right!

Perspective

I've decided to theme this week "Perspective".
I try my hardest to always keep things in perspective, to be in the present, to stay grounded... but sometimes events happen that really remind me why it's so important.
This week, a friends father lost his battle to brain cancer. A 2 year battle at that. I read his obituary just now and it brought me to tears... what an amazing man and father he was. The most touching part for me is that this friend lives in Chicago and for over a year went back and forth between Chicago and Michigan every week to be with his dad.. to reminisce, to laugh, to support his mom and to be together. How honorable of him especially in a time of our lives where there is so much going on, so many other things he could've been doing. Talk about perspective.
This past weekend, my dad's cousin passed away. He was 82, so he was more like an uncle or even second father to my dad. They worked in similar industries and always shared stories with one another over the phone.. they were super close. Having lost his father 2 years ago, losing Cousin Robbie is particularly hard. A great story that my dad just told me was that Robbie always said to him, "Al, when times get tough, always remember the song, 'Ain't nothin going to break my stride, ain't nothing going to hold me down, oh no, I've got to keep on movin' ". Just keep moving. Don't let anything hold you down. What a great concept and so often it's forgotten. I feel a change coming on from my dad.. it's like the winds are shifting. Time to realize what's really important in life and grasp it... don't take anything for granted. I hope it sticks with him. I hope it sticks with all of us. Why shouldn't it? So often we become slaves to our work, or schedules, our routines that sometimes I think people forget about actually "living" their lives.

So, to me this week is about perspective. Let's all try to find and keep some.

Holy Stretch Marks!!!

They warned me about this... they said, "your boobs are already big.. and they are just going to get bigger and bigger throughout your pregnancy, watch out". I kinda believed them, but not really. Well, today was the day. Not yesterday, today. I looked down and like they grew from out of nowhere, there they were. HUGE! I MEAN HUGE! Like "as big as your head" huge. And, to top it all off, STRETCH MARKS?!@! They are taking over... I kinda freaked out today when I saw these things on my body as big as my head and the stretch marks to boot. Trying to keep things in perspective.. but I can't help but keep staring at my boobs! I should've taken a picture to remind myself of what they once looked like... since I know they will never EVER be the same:(

The baby is kicking, the BABY IS KICKING!

This is really one of the most unbelievable experiences... the baby is kicking. It started out with some little movements.. the experts describe them as "flutters", but I would describe them more like mini muscle spasms in your belly. Then, every so often, it would literally feel like my lower abdomen was pulling and stretching... as if the baby was growing right there before my eyes. The most amazing time is when I just sit or lay completely still and can feel it. It's made it sooo real. There really is a little guy or girl growing in my belly, hanging out with me each day.
Now, at 20 weeks (half way through!!), I'm actually feeling kicks, not just moves. It's like popcorn in a microwaveable popcorn bag, but in my belly:)
I can now understand when women say that they loved pregnancy, I LOVE THIS PART!!

Seems pretty obvious

It's amazing how after a little reflecting, things can seem so obvious. It's like, Duh?!
So, this is an update on my relationship with my dad..
I thought things were getting better as I mentioned in a previous post.
He was reaching out and communicating and actually getting in a better place mentally with his business. We went to Cabo for a week and my parents joined us for a few days and it was great.. of course until the question about whether or not we were going to have a "bris" if we have a boy came up.. and when I answered, "no".. that's when it went downhill. The comment, "well we'll have to talk about this" came up and I could just taste the disappointment oozing from him. It definitely sucks feeling like I am disappointing my dad (I'm frickin 30 years old.. when will I get over this!).
Anyways, there have been a few more incidents over the past 2 weeks since we got back from Cabo where my dad is trying to be loving but he makes me feel guilty or hurts my feelings.
I never address them as they come up, and find myself venting to my mom for hours on end about how I'm really feeling. For those that don't know, my mom and dad are still married and have been for over 30 years, so to vent to her about how much I sometimes dispise her husband is probably not helping her relationship much at all.
I've decided to try to address these issues right when they come up, with my DAD, not my mom. I'm going to commit to do my best to communicate how he is making me feel, even if it means him getting pissed off at me or wanting to end the conversation. I will be strong and calm and pray that this new tactic helps him realize that he is hurting my feelings.
Wish me luck!

Freaking out a bit

So I've had a pretty "normal" pregnancy thus far.. no real crazy emotional outburts, no real crying spells etc.
BUT, recently I've been feeling super overwhelmed about, of all things, Registering.
When we registered for our wedding, we did research but it wasn't really stressful because it's not like our new coffee maker was going to be brewing a baby, or griding a baby (gross).
Registering for a new baby is totally freaking me out... what if I don't buy the right binky's, what if the frickin $600 stroller makes his/her head uncomfortable, what the hell is Lansinoh?
This is totally crazy! I know that our mom's and their mom's all did just fine... but they didn't have the choices and options we have. I can't just throw a bunch of names for strollers in a hat and know that whatever one comes out is going to be perfectly fine... because we have this thing called the Internet and Reviews EVERYWHERE ON EVERY BRAND!!
Ahh, deep breaths will get me through this, and those wonderful mom's who have passed on their "must-have's" lists so far... all lists are welcomed:)

13 weeks!

Well..., I'm 13 weeks pregnant!! We were just in Cabo for a week and everyone there was super nice (they told me that I didn't even look like I was pregnant at all:)... the only problem is that I'm at the point in my pregnancy where I'm just counting down the seconds to when I start showing. I want to have the little belly and actually "feel and look" pregnant. I've still been feeling nauseas over the past week (which was supposed to go away).. and actually I almost threw up at the airport in Cabo, and in the taxi to the airport, and in the taxi on the way home from the airport. I guess it's better than actually throwing up!

Just before we left for Cabo, I had a doctors appointment where I got to hear the heartbeat. That was soooo cool. 165 beats per minute:) Perfect they said!
That was a happy day...